[:en]

Awakening in Meditation
by Anne Khoury

My face smiles as I remember my Chan 7 Retreat. My mind hears the sound of chanting, drums and the awakening bell, smells the incense, and sees the fog settled in the mountains at day break. My heart remains touched by the kindness and generosity of all who shared their wisdom, practice and guidance and made me feel at home in a new experience and land.

Sitting in mediation was a profound awakening, for my mind has seldom been still in the outside world. When sitting in meditation and my mind became calm, much delusion, ignorance and attachment floated by . . . some of which was deep rooted and long repressed. As I sat with a still mind, I felt a peace and lightness I have never before experienced. Attachments and judgment seemed to disentangle from my mind as clarity, calm, and a feeling of connectedness settled in. That feeling of connectedness to the universe and all beings increased as I meditated during Zen breakfast and lunch . . . reflecting on how what I put into my mouth, to became part of my body, came from a multitude of sources and perspectives.

It is now my challenge to hold onto this experience in practice as I “pick up” in the outside world. Interestingly, upon my return to the USA, there was no jet lag and my mind seems to have transformed. It is much calmer, focused, and aware of the essence of what I am here to contribute. There is hope. Perhaps our world leaders and all sentient being need a Chan 7 Retreat. The world would be a much different place.

Thank you for your generosity in sharing the dharma, your practice and for the joy of glimpsing my awakening mind.

How the Teaching of “The Awakening of Faith in the Mahayana” Changed My Life
by Peggy Bryant

In the spring session, 2004, our new Abbess of Buddha Gate Monastery, Ven. Jian Pin, introduced the sutra study class to the sutra on “The Awakening of Faith in the Mahayana”. She explained that this sutra contained the core understandings applicable to all Buddhist sutras. The sutra was difficult, concise, and required a lot of explanation and discussion to be understood.

In Chan Buddhism, the mind is the Buddha, and to realize our mind is to become enlightened. I was very interested in the Sutra because it explicates the aspect of the nonenlightened, deluded mind. In the section “The Aspect of Nonenlightenment”, there is a logical explanation of how we become deluded, what it means in a step by step fashion to develop aspects that characterize our defiled state.

In this section, I learned that because of being unenlightened, our deluded mind produces the activity of ignorance, the perceiving subject, and the world of objects. Then, conditioned by the world of objects, the deluded mind produces the discriminating intellect, continuity of deluded thoughts, attachment to what it likes, analysis of words devoid of reality, evil karma, and suffering. This is what my mind is doing all the time!

Abbess Jian Pin encouraged me to study and memorize this section of the sutra and for this I am most thankful. Studying this sutra has helped me to better understand what it means to be deluded and how delusions arise. When I improve my understanding of how my deluded mind works, I feel that I have more power to make right choices, to avoid taking everything in my mind as real. I understand more clearly that I have the option to choose what I believe in and that I need not believe in and act on everything that arises in my mind. Let those moods, cravings, needs go! In short, studying this sutra is helping me to understand more clearly how to know myself, how to practice more effectively to purify my mind to eventually realize its original nature.

Reflection
by Peggy Bryant

The other day I was walking around the block near the hospital where I work, when an older man got out of his car right near me. We exchanged “hellos” and I asked how he was. He was a handsome, African American, tall and athletic looking. He noted my hospital ID badge and started telling me about his recent heart bypass surgery, his kidneys that were beginning to fail (his doctor wanted to discuss dialysis), and his prostate cancer. He said, “You know, I’m just not sure I want to deal with all this.” He told me that he had worked for many years as a longshoreman at the Oakland docks. He was always in good shape, he said, and he had felt good about himself physically. Now, he said, pointing to his outstretched arm, “I don’t have much muscle left.” He was proud that he had just celebrated his 73rd birthday. It was tough, he said. All the while, he had a smile on his face and a gleam in his eye, so I knew that he’d continue to fight. He was grateful for what he had.

This made me reflect on my Buddhist practice and how we struggle with our conventional views of ourselves versus what we know to be true about existence; that is, everything is impermanent. How can we learn to accept impermanence? Buddhism teaches that meditation is key in developing self knowledge and, therefore, clear seeing. During sitting meditation, we face ourselves alone. It’s very difficult to allow things just to be as they are when we sit. There’s no fooling ourselves that things come and go – thoughts, pains, noises, feelings change. Impermanence. That means accepting our bodies that hurt, our minds that run around, our always having to work to remain focused and alert. To just sit, facing ourselves as we are.

I wish I could tell that man I met on the street how meditation is helping me to face myself and accept things as they are, always changing. That is half the battle.

[:zh]

禪七的契悟

Anne Khoury

想起禪七，臉上泛起了笑意，心中聽到了梵唱、鼓聲、引磬聲，聞到了薰香，看到了山上破曉時分的晨霧。至今我仍十分感念每一位法師，他們慈悲寛厚地分享智慧、指導我們修行，讓我在新的體驗和新的環境中有家的感覺。

靜坐讓我有深刻的領悟，因為我的心在世俗生活中很難安住。心在靜坐時變得平靜，一些深藏和壓抑在心底的妄念、無知、與執著不時地掠過。當我靜坐讓心安住時，體會到前所未有的平和與清淨。當心依止在清明、寧靜及融合的感覺時，執著與分別似乎就超脫了。在早午齋之間的靜坐時，我和宇宙及一切眾生連結的感受增強了……我從不同源起和面向，觀照我所進用的食物，如何成為身體的一部份。

現在的難題是，重拾世俗生活後要怎麼保任這些體驗。耐人尋味地，返美後我沒有任何時差，心境似乎有所轉變，變得更沈靜、專注、明白我應該要奉獻什麼。我懷著希望。或許世界的領導人與一切有情眾生都應該需要打禪七，這樣世界將會變得很不一樣。

感謝法師慈悲，授予法寶、身教、讓我一瞥契悟的法喜。

«大乘起信論»如何改變我的人生

Peggy Bryant

二００四年春季研經班，佛門寺新任住持見品（Jian Pin）法師在研經班介紹了«大乘起信論»。住持法師說明這篇論文含括了與所有佛經相應的的核心法要，論述扼要而難懂，需要透過詳細的解釋與討論才能理解。

禪宗認為心即是佛，明心即是開悟。我對此論十分有興趣，因為它說明了什麼是不覺與妄心。講到不覺，論述用附合邏輯的方式解釋我們為何會痴迷，一層層的剖析我們心中的雜染。

這門課讓我瞭解，我們的妄心因為不覺，而造作無明的行為、執取我所與外緣。我們因為被外緣束縛，妄心便產生了分別心、妄念、貪愛、妄語、惡業、和苦厄。我的心無時無刻不是如此在運作!

我最感念的是見品法師鼓勵我研讀並背誦這段論文，讓我更瞭解我們什麼是妄念以及妄念因何而起。當我進一步瞭解我的妄心是如何運作的，我就更有能力做出正確的選擇，避免將妄心當真心。我也更明白應該如何在信受與不信受之間取拾、以及要如何對治每個起心動念。放下喜怒、貪愛和欲念吧!簡而言之，學習此論讓我更清楚要如何認識自己、如何更有效率地修行來淨化心性，找到自己的本來面目。

覺照
by Peggy Bryant

前幾天在我工作的醫院附近漫步，一位男子剛好從他的座車下來。彼此打了招呼後，我問他可好。他是個英俊高眺、有著運動員身材的非裔人士。他注意到我掛著醫院的識別證，於是開始訴說他最近的心臟繞道手術、他的腎臟開始衰竭(醫生想與他討論洗腎的問題) 、他還有攝護腺癌。他說：「你知道嗎?我不確定是不是應該處理這些問題。」他告訴我他在奧克蘭碼頭做了許多年的碼頭工人，以往他總是維持良好的狀態，對自己的身體很滿意。他露出伸直的手臂說：「現在，我已經沒有什麼肌肉了。」他很自豪剛剛過了73歲生日，對他而言這並不容易。言談間他始終帶著微笑，眼神露出光芒。我知道他仍在為生命而戰。他很感激自己所擁有的一切。

於是我反思了自己的佛法修行，以及我們如何在世俗眼光中的我與法界實相中的我之間掙扎。也就是說，諸行無常。我們如何學習接受無常?佛法教導我們，禪修是自覺、認清自我的關鍵。透過禪坐，獨自面對自我。禪坐時很難不理會現起的境界。不要騙自己，各種境界來來去去的，妄想、疼痛、雜音、思緒不斷變換。這就是無常。也就是說，接受身體的疼痛、亂跑的思緒、必須時時努力保持專注與警覺。單純靜坐，面對真實的自己。

真希望我能告訴在街角遇到的男子，禪坐如何幫助我面對自己、讓我接受現實的無常。這樣就成功了一半。[:]

[:en]

Memorial Ceremony At Buddha Gate
by Tony Khoury

I would like to thank the Abbess of Buddha Gate for allowing me this opportunity to address you as a neophyte of the Mahayana Buddhism. I have been a student of Buddhism since September 2003 and in March 2004 I received the Three Refugees.

Today we are gathered here to remember the events that took place on September 11, 2001. those violent events have created much suffering among the people of this nation. They have also created confusion, anger and fear.

It is also worth mentioning that people everywhere are suffering from the same feelings of dread and uncertainty. It is universal. Suffering is not alien to human existence. As a student of Buddhism I have learned the causes of suffering and ways to instill peace in one’s mind.

We the practioners of the faith must not waiver form the teachings of the Dharma. We should always stand fast against anger, fear and hate. We should extend our feelings of compassion to all sentient beings. And when the dark storms blow wild and deadly we should always seek refuge: in the Buddha, in the Dharma, and in the Sangha.

The Gratitude, Blessings and Memorial Ceremony
by Bob Clark (Chuan Bo)

I have been a student in the Meditation classes at Buddha Gate Monastery for some time. I have enjoyed my classes immensely, but recently decided to begin exploring the actual ceremonies and hopefully use that experience to further deepen my awareness of Buddhism.

There are several steps, or phases to the Gratitude, Blessings and Memorial Ceremony. I would like to focus on one aspect of the Ceremony wherein I felt that the process, as well as the concept of gratitude, moved front and center, then out into the assembly.
Those people with children or parents who were celebrating a birthday that month were asked to come to the front of the room to express their gratitude to their parent(s). Their comments were all heartfelt, spontaneous, and deeply meaningful—not only to those expressing their gratitude, but also for us in the audience. I’d like to give you a few examples.

Grace

Grace, from the Beginning Meditation Class, expressed her gratitude and appreciation for the loving kindness of her parents, who have passed away. She wanted the audience to know she regretted that when she was a young woman raising her family, she felt that she had perhaps been too preoccupied with her own duties, had assumed that her parents would be around forever, and that there would be time to express her gratitude to them. She likened her life at that time to a tree being blown about by the wind and “though the trunk of the tree wishes to be calm and steady, the wind of life moves the branches, unsettles the tree trunk and opportunities to express gratitude are sometimes lost through distraction.” Her story served as a thoughtful warning to me not to take the living for granted.

Lily

Lily is a student at St. Mary’s College in Moraga. Her adoptive parents were not in attendance but she wished to express her gratitude for their loving care of her as a child. Her gratitude expanded to include her biological parents and then expanded still further to include the Triple Gem of the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.

Grace, Betty and Hsi-Hsien Chen

Grace is the daughter of Betty and His-Hsien and she wanted to thank them for the sacrifices they made to give her a stable, loving upbringing. She said that she knows they could have had other careers, greater material benefits and more for themselves, but they took less for themselves so she (Grace) could have more stability in her life. She remembers seeing other students in High School and college who did not have that solid and loving structure in their lives and knew even then how fortunate she was to have these parents.

Then her mother, Betty, took the microphone and in turn thanked Grace for making room in her busy life for her mother and father. She said that once she told Grace, “I don’t know how you make time in your busy schedule to help us the way you do.” Grace had replied, “Mom, I have my priorities in order and you and Dad are at the top.” Betty felt so happy to know that she and her husband mattered so much to their daughter.

Finally, Grace’s father, Hsi-Hsien, spoke from his wheelchair. He wanted to express his great appreciation to his daughter and son-in-law Louis (Lou) for finding Buddha Gate Monastery (yes, they “Googled” it) and bringing him there to the Ceremonies.

One thing I did know was that as each of these people spoke, it became more and more difficult for me to keep from crying. It was not out of sadness, but appreciation for the greatness of these people, how much they cared for one another and the essential goodness that shone out of each of them. I kept shifting my gaze to others in the audience to help hold back the tears, but then more and more people were wiping away tears. I finally ran out of “options” and let them flow freely down my cheeks.

After everyone had spoken, the Ceremony shifted to each Birthday person receiving pieces of a large cake that had been brought into the Hall. As each person came forward to take a piece, we sang “Happy Birthday” to them in English.

At the completion of the Ceremony, as I stepped outside, I felt a light sprinkling of rain drops. A kindly man near the door handed me an umbrella. “Are you going up for lunch?” he asked. “Yes” I nodded. “In case it starts raining again,” he said as he extended the umbrella. I took it from his hand and thanked him. I suddenly felt an unusually strong upwelling of gratitude toward this man and smiled from the top of my head to my toes.

SUGGESTIONS IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING ATTENDING A CEREMONY

• If you have questions, please speak to any of the Shifus and ask for a short meeting with them before attending a ceremony. They sincerely want to encourage understanding and participation.
• If possible, provide some volunteer service in preparation for the Ceremony and/or after the Ceremony. It not only builds merits, but builds friendships and generates a deeper sense of being a part of the Ceremony and the Sangha. There is much preparation that goes into a ceremony and the members of Buddha Gate are so grateful for any extra help. It truly can be the first step in generating gratitude.
• Come early for ease of parking. Also, it can be very reassuring to bring a classmate or friend. Not only is this helpful in terms of mutual support during the Ceremony, but can also be an opportunity for discussion after the Ceremony.
• When attending the Ceremony, dress in appropriate, comfortable, loose-fitting clothing. There are bows and prostrations during the service, as well as some sitting and kneeling on the meditation pads. Along these same lines, if it is too difficult or uncomfortable for you to participate in prostrations and kneeling, then there are chairs and reading stands set up at the back of the room. Please take good care of yourself. This is not a test of endurance, but rather a further cultivation of character and practice.
• It is natural to be a bit lost or confused when first attending the ceremonies. Be willing to forgive yourself for not knowing, feel free to ask for direction and guidance, and when in doubt, follow the lead of those nearest you. This is a situation where mistakes can be embraced and made part of our practice.
• If you generate questions or concerns during the ceremony, write them down and present them to one of the Shifus at an appropriate moment. You will get answers and they will gain a better understanding of the attendee’s needs.
• There are many “forms” present during a ceremony (besides our bodies). There are many intricate and beautiful decorations, statues, lights, flowers, etc., as well as movement (Ceremony); sounds (Music); and smells (Incense). It’s easy to become distracted and even a bit overwhelmed. It important to remind ourselves that though the forms, etc. remain a necessary part of this process, they are not the end we seek. Make an effort to see all of this as a mirror to redirect us back inward towards our own Buddha Nature.
• Give yourself the treat of attending the lunch. The food is delicious and the company is sacred.

[:zh]

紀念法會

Tony Khoury

感謝佛門寺住持法師給我這個機會，讓我以大乘佛教新進弟子的身份發表感想。我從2003年9月開始學佛，2004年3月皈依三寶。

今天我們聚集在此悼念發生於2001年9月11日的一連串事件，這些攻擊事件為美國人帶來痛苦，也製造了混亂、忿怒和恐懼。值得一提的是，不同地方的人們感受著相同的害怕與不安。這已經成為普世現象。人類的生活離不開苦厄。身為佛弟子，我瞭解造成苦厄的原因以及讓心境平和的方法。

我們有虔誠信念的人一定不能背離佛法的教誨。我們要穩健地對治忿怒、恐懼與仇恨。我們應該把慈悲廣施予一切有情眾生。當黑暗風暴狂野地吹起時，我們永遠會有佛、法、僧三寶做為依怙。

感恩、祈福、紀念法會

Bob Clark(Chuan Bo)

        參加佛門寺的禪修課有一段時間了。我一直非常喜歡上課，但最近我決定開始參加法會，希望藉著法會的體驗增進我對佛法的體悟。

「感恩、祈福及紀念法會」包含幾個階段與流程。我把焦點放在法會中最讓我感動的過程，其間感恩之情洋溢在會場前前後後，觸動了與會大眾。有幾對親子一同前來參加每月一次的慶生會，他們受邀到前方表達對父母的感謝之意。他們的發言都非常誠懇、感人、深具意義，不只發言的人感動，聽眾也感同深受。我舉出以下幾個例子:

Grace

Grace是初級禪修班的學生，她對已逝雙親的慈愛表達感激之意。她希望聽眾瞭解她的遺憾，年輕時為了養家，她覺得自己好像投注太多心力在自己要負的責任上，認為父母永遠都會在身旁，所以一定會有時間向父母表達謝意。她用「樹欲靜而風不止，子欲養而親不待」來比喻現在的心情。她的故事深刻地警惕著我，不要將生命視為理所當然。

Lily

Lily是Moraga市聖瑪麗大學的學生。她的養父母沒有出席，但她要感謝養父母在兒時對她的關愛。她感謝的人還包括她的生父與生母，更將謝意延伸到佛法三寶:佛寶、法寶、僧寶。

Grace, Betty and Hsi-Hsien Chen

Grace是Betty和His-Hsien的女兒。她感謝父母犠牲了自己，提供她安穩又充滿了愛的童年。她知道父母可以有其他事業和更好的物質生活，但父母自己很節省，好讓Grace有更安定的生活。她記得在高中和大學時看到其他同學的生活沒有穩固與愛的建構，才知道自己有這樣的父母是多麼的幸運。

她的母親Betty接著拿起麥克風對Grace說，謝謝女兒為了父母在忙碌的生活中騰出空檔。有次Betty問Grace說：「我不知道妳怎麼能在這麼緊湊的行程裏挪出時間來幫我們。」Grace回答：「媽媽，在我的優先順序中， 您和爸爸排在第一位。」 知道女兒這麼在乎父母親，Betty十分欣慰。

最後Grace的父親 Hsi-Hsien坐在輪椅上說，他要謝謝Grace和她的女婿 Louis（Lou）在網路上Google搜尋到佛門寺，還帶他來參加法會。

我發現隨著他們的發言，我愈來愈難教自己不要哭。不是因為傷心，而是對他們德行的激賞，他們這麼關心彼此，散發出美德本性的光芒。我不停地轉移目光，希望能忍住淚水，可是後來愈來愈多人在拭淚。最後我別無選擇，任憑淚水流在臉龐。

發言結束後，每位壽星都拿到一大塊會場準備的糕點，當他們上前拿糕點時，我們為他們唱頌英文的生日快樂歌。

法會結束後我步出禪堂，感覺下著小雨。站在門邊的一位好心人拿把傘給我。他問我：「去用午齋嗎?」我點頭稱是。他把傘遞給我時說：「如果再下雨時可以用。」我接下了雨傘並向他道謝。刹那間我心底湧出了特別強烈的感激之情，全身上下充滿了喜悅。

參加法會前的建議事項

• 如果有問題，可以在法會前向任何一位師父請教。師父會不吝解答並且誠摯地鼓勵大眾與會。

有機會的話可在法會前後擔任義工。這不僅可以培植功德、建立友誼，也能增加對法會和道場的歸屬感。法會有很多準備工作，佛門寺的成員歡迎更多人加入義工的行列。出坡真的可以培養感恩心。

• 早點抵達比較容易停車。歡迎帶同學或朋友一起參加。同行的人不僅可以在法會上相互支持，法會後也可以一同討論心得。
• 參加法會最好穿著合宜、舒適、寬鬆的服裝。法會中有問訊、禮拜的動作、也會在禪墊上靜坐和長跪。如果不方便長跪和禮拜，禪堂後方準備了椅子和經架可以使用。請注意自己的身體狀況，法會的目的是培福修慧，不是耐力測驗。
• 首次參加會跟不上或不清楚狀況很正常。請不用自責，有問題時歡迎尋求協助，或是跟隨身旁的人行動。出點差錯無可厚非，這也是修行的一部份。
• 如果有問題或疑慮，可寫在紙條上於適當時機交給師父。你將會得到解答，師父也會更瞭解與會大眾的需要。
• 法會上有許多「表法」 (除了身體之外)。有精美的裝飾、塑像、燈、花等等，還有動作(法會) 、聲音(唱誦)、香味 (薰香)。這些表法容易讓人分心或是不知所措。我們必須提醒自己，這些表法雖然是法會不可或缺的部份，但不是我們最終尋求的目標。試著將這一切當作我們向內心尋找本具佛性的明鏡。

去齋堂享用午齋。食物非常可口，大眾都很莊嚴。[:]

[:en]

What I Have Learned at Buddha Gate
by Bob Clark

I have learned that I have a lot to learn. I have learned that when I am stuck in life, when I need spiritual support and if my intention is pure and heartfelt, then Buddha will provide a place for me. I begin to find my way home to my true self and my divine source. I am grateful for the discovery of Buddha Gate.

What We Have Learned from Buddha Gate Monastery
by Joe Yeo and Sheena Tan

It was by sheer chance that we were introduced to Buddha Gate Monastery in March 2004 by a fellow neighbor. Before going to the Monastery, our family lives had been in helter skelter caused mainly by our ignorance, doubts, suspicion, anger and greed that we were unable to identify the reason why.

Unfortunately, these factors rule the major portion of everyone’s life, but we are unable to find a solution to resolve all the differences until we came to the Monastery. Afterwards, we realize what causes unhappiness, the power of the mind and the true meaning of being a Buddha.

Everyone in the Monastery is extremely helpful, and they support us to work towards achieving happiness. Having been at the Monastery for the last nine months, our lives have undergone a total change and we are so much happier, contented and most importantly, able to apply all the teachings form Buddhism to change our lives.

Calligraphy and Buddhism
by Mae Hoag / Chuan Ming

Learning Chinese Calligraphy is not only the acquisitions of an artistic skill but also a workshop in which Buddhist principles can be practiced. It required diligence to persevere in mastering the tools of break and ink to create forms that have energy, proportion and fluidity. It takes a commitment to practice, to dedicate oneself to repetition, knowing there are no shortcuts and that this resolve will result ultimately in an esthetic achievement one might not have thought possible as a beginner. On my work table I keep a motto which states: “Nothing is difficult to one who is diligent.” This has provided encouragement during times I was ready to give up, not believing I had the requisite ability.

Tolerance and patience are needed as a beginner for the inevitable mistakes and the awkwardness felt in handling unfamiliar tools and materials. Through acceptance of this initial situation, one can discover that progress and accomplishment are possible. Just abandon preconceived notions regarding time of achievement and personal ability!

It is not a permanent state!

To practice calligraphy is a meditation providing an opportunity to focus and concentrate while being totally absorbed in the formation of each stroke, oblivious to external sounds and activities. Attention to breath must be paid to execute characters which are decisive and forceful. Both time and self disappear. Practicing can be both a spiritual and artistic expression, a transcending experience leading to greater awareness and mindfulness.

Coming Home
by Harvey Saitzyk

Sometime, in early 1960, while attending city college, I became interested in finding out the meaning of life. Between class breaks, I would sit in my car and write all my thoughts in a notebook. I thought I could think out the meaning of life. The notebooks were lost and the only thing I can still remember to this day is one thought that I wrote “the only secret to life was that there was no secret.” The meaning of life was simply before my very eyes. The problem was, I could not see it or did not know how to see it. Toward the end of the 1960’s, I joined the military. The USA was still engulfed in the Vietnam war. While in the military, I continued my searched for the meaning of life. With the protests against the war still raging, hippies experimenting with LSD, and the movement toward eastern philosophy, life to me seemed more absurd. After two unsuccessful marriages, and several unproductive jobs, the compulsion to seek and “answer” or “way” became stronger. I decided to enroll in a few religious evening courses.

I took a course in Judaism and the Old Testament. I thought this course would guide me back to my Jewish heritage and a meaning to my life. The course only clarified that the Old Testament was written by prophets and writers whose writing could be divided, by historical periods, into “J” and “Y” documents. This course stimulated my interest in Buddhism, Chan and Taoism. I found myself searching out and collecting books on Buddhism, Chan and Taoism. My library was growing, but I was not growing. During this time, I met a wonderful woman of Islamic faith. We fell in love and married. I began to study Islam. Particularly Sufism. In the 1990’s I became interested in Existentialism. I was fascinated with Camus’s “Life is Absurd”, Martin Heidegger’s “Search for the Meaning of Being” and Satre’s “Human’s Make their own Meanings”. I could see similarities in the concepts of European Existentialism, Sufism and Eastern ways of thoughts. I became a lay scholar researcher of philosophical and religious ideas and practices. I realized that I could not make a commitment to a practice. All I had done was to gather hundreds of concepts about the different ways toward enlightenment. I had now reached a state of confusion. One day I was thumbing through some poems by Sufi Mystic Rumi. A line of his poetry sparked an inner yes. The line read “die before you die”. Yes, that was it. I had to die to all the illusions created by my ego. It was a positive realization, but it carried with it a great fear. I quickly discovered that it was just this fear of dying to the ego that held me back from making a commitment to a practice. For forty years of my life, I thought that I could think my way to enlightenment. How wrong I was. It took a lot of courage to take my first step toward a practice.

A friend told me about the Buddha Gate Monastery. After much debate with myself. I decided to visit. I met and talked with the Chan Master of this beautiful establishment. I met the Abbess Master Jian Pin. I told her my story and the Abbess looked into my eyes and said that it was my karma to come to the Buddha Gate Monastery. I had a feeling that I had finally come home. She suggested me to attend the meditation class. My first meditation experience in Buddha Gate was no an easy task. I experienced the “monkey mind”. However, after many attempts, my mind has begun to settle down. Now each time I meditate, my mind becomes more and more stable. I let the thought come and go and try not to identify. My body still becomes resistant to the sitting meditation. It will probably take many years of practice. In the class Master Jian Pin teaches me that all my mental activity is my mind constructing an illusive reality. This is the reality that is created by my ego. My ego has created my world of pleasure, doubt and fear. This is the me that comprehends the world in terms of its need for security, nourishment, protection and attention. It’s my ego stillness is a death. Meditation is a way to slowly die into life, to die and be reborn to the life. Meditation at Buddha Gate and the teaching of Master Jian Pin are a unique and exceptional combination. If this is my karma, then I am pleased to know that I am home.

Reflection upon The Acolyte Class
by Sylvia Huyhn (Chuan Xin)

[:zh]

我在佛門寺所學

Bob Clark

我知道我有很多要學。我知道當生活遇到困境需要精神上的支持時，如果我的發心是純淨而真誠的，佛陀就會讓我有所依歸。我開始

尋找可以回歸本來面目、清淨自性的道路。很慶幸我找到了佛門寺。

我們在佛門寺所學

Joe Yeo and Sheena Tan

2004年一個偶然的機會裏，一位鄰居向我們介紹了佛門寺。去佛門寺之前，我們一家人生活於忙亂之中，這主要肇因於不知來由的無明、疑惑、猜忌、忿怒與貪婪。

不幸的是，這些煩惱掌控了我們人生的大部份，但我們無法找出解決問題的方法，直到我們來到佛門寺。隨後，我們瞭解了苦惱的原因、心念的力量以及成佛的意義。

佛門寺所有人都樂於助人，支持我們邁向大樂。在佛門寺學習九個月以來，我們的生活徹底轉變了，變得更快樂、更知足。最重要的是，可以運用所學的佛法改變人生。

書法與佛法

Mae Hoan/ Chuan Ming

學習中國書法不僅可以學到風雅的藝術技巧，更是可以落實佛法的工作坊。若想善於運筆、控制水墨，寫出有力道、均勻而流暢的字體，勤習是必要的條件。要下定決心、反複練習、不求捷徑，這樣才能達到初學時意想不到的藝術境界。我的工作桌上有一個座右銘寫著：勤勞之人不畏難事。每當我覺得自己能力不足而想放棄時，這句話鼓勵了我。

初學者在運用不熟悉的工具和材料時，難免會犯錯或覺得自己笨拙，這時你需要容忍與耐性。只要承受得起初學時的困境，就會發現自己的進步與成功指日可待。不要先入為主評斷自己的能力，或計較成功得要花多少時間。

這個狀態不是恒常的。

當你能全神貫注於每一筆畫, 練習書法就是禪，它讓你有機會聚焦、專注，放下外在的聲音與活動。想要寫出剛勁有力的字體，必須注意呼吸。當下時間和自我都消失了。書法兼具了心靈與藝術的呈現，這樣超脫的體驗能引導出更深的契悟與覺性。

歸宿
Harvey Saitzyk

我在1960年代早期就讀市立大學時，開始對尋找生命的意義很感興趣。下課時間，我會坐在車上把想法寫在筆記本上。我以為我可以找到生命的意義。那本筆記已經遺失，至今我唯一還記得的內容是：「生命唯一的秘密就是它沒有秘密」。生命的意義不過就在我眼前。問題是，我看不到它，也不知如何能看到它。我於1960年代後期投入軍旅。當時美國正捲入越戰。我在軍中持續思考生命的意義。隨著反戰的聲浪日盛，嬉皮時興吸食迷幻藥，思潮轉向東方哲學，生命對我而言變得更為荒謬。經歷了兩次失敗的婚姻和幾個失意的工作，我更急切地想要尋找生命的答案或方向。我決定註冊了幾個有關宗教的夜間課程。
我選修了一門有關猶太教和舊約聖經的課程。我想這門課可以引導我找回我的猶太傳統和生命的意義。然而它只闡述了舊約聖經是由許多先知和不同作者撰寫，各版本依照撰寫的時間被分為J典和Y典等等。 這門課激發了我對佛教、禪宗和道教的興趣。我發現自己不停在蒐集佛教、禪宗和道教的書籍。我的藏書數量一直成長，但我並未成長。此時我遇到了一位信仰伊斯蘭教的好女人，我和她相愛，然後我們結婚。我開始研究伊斯蘭教，特別是蘇菲主義。1990年代我變成對存在主義感到興趣。我對卡繆「人生的荒謬」、馬丁·海德格「尋找存在的意義」和沙特「人類塑造自己的存在」等思想十分著迷。我也發現歐洲的存在主義、蘇菲主義和東方思想的概念頗有相似之處。我成了一個研究哲學與宗教思想和儀式的業餘學者。我知道我無法實踐這些意理。我所能做的只是蒐集上百種如何啟蒙的概念。此時我處在混亂之中。有一天我翻閱到蘇菲派神秘主義詩人魯米的作品。他的一行詩燃起了我內心的認同感，詩句是「在你死前死去」。對，就是這樣。由我執產生的妄想必須死去。這是一個正向的領悟，但也帶來極大的恐懼。我馬上知道我對修行裹足不前的原因是我害怕自我的壞滅。過去四十年來我以為可以想到覺悟的方法。我根本錯了。我鼓起很大的勇氣才踏上了修行的第一步。
有個朋友跟我提起佛門寺。在反覆思索後，我決定去看看。我在這座美麗的寺院遇到了法師並與法師談話。我遇到的是住持見品法師，我跟法師說了我的故事，法師說來到佛門寺是我的因緣。我感覺終於找到了歸宿。法師建議我參加禪修課。我第一次參加佛門寺的禪修課有些吃力。我體會到了「猿猴心」。不過經過幾次嚐試，我的心漸漸開始安定。現在我每次靜坐，心變得愈來愈穩定。我讓念頭流走，不去注意它們。我的身體仍無法安於靜坐。我想可能要花幾年的時間來練習。課堂上見品法師教導我，所有的心理活動都是由心念建構的妄境。這些虛妄都是由我執而起。我執造作了喜悅、疑慮、恐懼。所謂的我，根據自己所欲求的安全感、養份、保護、和關注去理解外在世界。我執的止息是一種死亡。靜坐讓我執慢慢地止息，而後讓自性重生。在佛門寺，靜坐以及見品法師的教導是獨特非凡的組合。如果這是我的因緣，那麼我很高興自己找到了歸宿。

心燈課感想

by Sylvia Huyhn (Chuan Xin) 撰

你想從心燈課學到什麼?

一開始在佛門寺修習佛法已是讓人不知所措，因為要學的事情很多。因此，想要精熟，唯一的方法就是多練習。參加訓練課程讓我達到了這個目標。加入心燈團隊是很榮耀的事。它讓我有機會瞭解各種職責的意義。瞭解行進的方式和準備工作的意義，讓我有機會幫助參與法會的大眾。最終的目標是盡可能讓法會流暢地進行。我也瞭解了上課及開會的原因。這也是為什麼即使在語言上有些隔閡，我們還是能夠進行團隊合作。參與心燈會議和課程有助於熟悉準備工作，使工作順利完成。心燈職事也要注意時間觀念。我們必須注意時程，才能精準地接續彼此的工作。對我來說，任務完成, 讓我覺得很開心。

感謝每位法師教導並指正我們的錯誤，這樣我們才能糾正自我、不再犯同樣的錯誤。熟能生巧。不斷練習讓工作更臻於完美。我覺得只要我們願意接受指正，就能從中受益。

要回答「你想從心燈課程學到什麼?」我會說，希望從實做中瞭解職責的意義。瞭解儀軌和它們代表的意義，滿足了我們的好奇心。找到答案，心就安了。以前我不懂他們為什麼要這麼做，或是做這件事代表了什麼?他們怎麼知道何時要完成哪一件事?法師們的示範和教導，歸結出了我們能夠學到的知識與智慧。

觀照

Pam Rubio, 2003年開始學佛

兩年前我進入佛門寺學習禪修時，並沒有意識到我正走入自己的心門。學習瞭解自性，讓我有機會超越疑慮、發現真理。

因為傲慢、瞋恨、魯莽和欺瞞，我的心把自己關在痛苦的牢籠裏。我受困於外緣，也受困於恐懼。

依循佛法的實踐與教理，讓我發掘本具的自性。佛法簡要而深刻。現在我知道，要為自己的地獄或天堂負責。我擺脫了恐懼。

或許我永遠不會成佛…在這一世。但是我已了悟真理，超越一切疑惑。真理帶給我自由、喜悅、平和與智慧。我不再被囚禁於妄心的牢籠裏。佛門寺帶領我走向覺悟的旅程。感謝所有師父。

心靈花園

Bessie Yu (Chuan Yun)

在心靈的花園，

除去貪、瞋、痴的種子。

用善念培育大地

讓善行的幼苗和開悟的花朶

可以繁茂地成長

並且迎接智慧的陽光。

我知道

這個花園永遠不會消逝

鴿子與修行

Eric Cox

最近有一隻母鴿在鄰居家的屋簷下築巢。我和我太太及孫子觀察到母鴿是如何耐心地坐在蛋上。即使我們家的大狗在鳥巢底下亂跑狂吠，或是我們拿垃圾走出去經過，母鴿日日夜夜安靜祥和地坐著。昨天我和孫子對著屋子拍打一顆大紅球玩耍，當球彈到母鴿身旁的屋簷，母鴿急忙拍打著翅膀飛走。

但是不一會兒牠就回來了，看來平靜從容，好像什麼事都沒發生過。此時我坐在禪墊上想到這隻母鴿，憶起見盛法師最近在禪修課上說的話：「人在那裏，心在那裏。」我期望自己也能像那隻母鴿一樣有耐心、平靜地坐著，心中沒有期待，不管狗吠得多大聲，或是思緒的大紅球如何在我心裏跳躍。回到呼吸，回到我應該在的地方，那就是當下。

[:]

[:en]

2009 Buddha Gate Monastery Bodhi Seed Camp
Darlene (Chuan Ling) Cioffi-Pangilla

When I got home from volunteering at the Gardens at Heather Park in Walnut Creek, where I had spent two hours pulling up plants that had seeded and gown in unexpected places, I could not help but recall an article written by the manager of the Gardens and reflect on Buddha Gate Monastery’s Bodhi Seed Camp.

To paraphrase the article:

Life begins and ends in the garden; this year’s seed is next year’s flower. The hot days of summer are perfect for propagating plants that will be put into the garden during the autumn or next spring. A garden is different from a landscape – it is constantly evolving because the gardener is part of the evolution.

No doubt growth, change, frustration and surprise will come with spending time with the plants. While some may be a nuisance, others add a new dimension to the forever changing garden.

The gardener is the Buddha, through the BGM Shifus and volunteers. The plants are the children being seeded with the seeds of respect, kindness, harmony, truthfulness and gratitude.

Who knows where these newly seeded “plants” will be in the autumn or next spring. Many of these “plants” will seed in places not in the original planting plan. However, NO plant will need to be pulled up because it seems to be in a wrong or unexpected place. There is no wrong or unexpected place when the tenets of Chung Tai are strong and flourishing!

Bodhi Seed Camp

Katherine Huynh  (Chuan Wen)

During the two weeks of the summer camp, it’s been pretty tiring but it was good experience with most of the kids. Even though the kids were rowdy, enthusiastic, or full of energy, they were just excited for the next activity and making new friends with one another. As a TA it was exhausting taking
care of the kids but in the same it I met a lot of friendly new faces as well. I think that seeing the kids taking in and learning new things like meditation, folding clothes, calligraphy, martial arts, gardening, scout training, learning Mandarin,  and etc, got them really excited to do the activities.  In my perspective, these four days were lively and cheerful.  I realized that taking care of kids was not easy but also not hard. The activities were enjoyable and I hope most of the kids will return to the Bodhi Seed meditation class and looking forward to the next summer school as well.

Bodhi Seed Camp TA

Drew Dickson (11)

I had a lot of fun being a TA.  It was hard keeping the kids together and having them listen, but overall it was fun just to help them and work with my other TAs. While I was there helping I did learn a lot of new stuff like how to bow, meditate, speak mandarin, not waste food, and chant. I had a lot of fun being a help to the Buddha gate monastery and learning many new things that can help me later in life.

Jamar Pagpaguitan (12)
Being a TA at BGM’s 2012 Bodhi Seed Summer Camp was a great and fun experience for me.  That was my second year there and now I know how TAs felt last year when I was a Bodhi seed.  I made many new friends from Bodhi Seeds to Teachers, volunteers, and shifus.  We helped each other and
spoke up when needed.  In my opinion, driving approximately 1 hour to BGM is worth it.  I wish everyone there and who was there a great rest of the year.  And I hope to see me being a TA again in 2013.

Jessica Ly  (12)
I have been a Buddha Gate member since I was 5 years old. Now I am almost 12. For the past 3 years of the Bodhiseed Summer Camp as a Bodhiseed, I’ve learned a lot of things and made many new friends.
And for this year I’ve become a TA. As a TA I’ve experienced a challenge to handle with kids. When I had to handle the kids, it was very hard for me. And once I learned about them, I figured that each and every one of them had different personalities of many things. But when they learned about the Four Tenets of Chung Tai (as in Respect, Kindness, Harmony and Truthfulness) and the other stuffs, they’ve improved so much. Even if they struggled a lot they kept on trying their best and never giving up or slacking off so basically they’ve been really diligent during this camp. And even though I had hard time to do these difficult things and activities at this camp, I had a very spectacular summer. So I   hoped they enjoyed their summer here at the Bodhiseed Summer School, too. But most of all, I’d like to thank the Abbess and all Shifus for giving me this opportunity to be a TA. And if I get another opportunity again then I’dlike to be a TA again. Amitofo!

佛門寺菩提子夏日學園—散播菩提種子

佛門寺秉持佛法慈悲的精神以及  導師上惟下覺大和尚的諄諄教誨，自 2009 年起，以「中台四箴
行」為校訓，舉辦菩提子夏日學園，將「敬慈和真」融合於各式的課程活動中，以期啟發老師、
學員、隊輔、家長、義工菩薩等，所有與會者的覺性種子。
今年，兩梯次的夏日學園，有 96 人次，五到十歲的小菩提子，及 32 人次的隊輔，30 人次的老師，
上百位護持的義工菩薩們共同參與。課程活動包含：禪修靜坐、 過堂行儀、佛門巡禮(學習佛菩薩
慈悲智慧)、孝親感恩法會、反省日記、武術健身、洗手衞生、摺衣服(慈善捐贈)、園藝(怎麼收穫
怎麼栽)、童軍訓練、涼扇香皂染衣 DIY 等，「敬慈和真」不但融入於課程活動的內容，課堂中更
進一步實踐。每一堂，上下課時，由隊輔呼班，帶領小菩提子，向師長行禮，長養恭敬心; 課程中，
耐心學習，長養慈悲心; 互相幫助，長養和睦心; 專注投入，長養真誠心。
此次夏日學園，更以弟子規為輔助教材，略分為四篇章：恭敬篇、自律責任篇、慈悲智慧篇以及
學文利他篇。鼓勵菩提子背誦，以助於生活中，在學校、家庭，對父母、師長、同學人等乃至天
地一切眾生，具體落實「敬慈和真」。祈願早日，遍地菩提花開。

傳文 (11 歲) 真誠隊輔  菩提子夏日學園心得

兩週下來，(兩梯)的夏日學園，實在很累，但和這麼多的孩子一起，確是很好的體驗。儘管小孩
子吵吵鬧鬧的，他們熱誠、充滿活力地結交新朋友，期待下一個活動。擔任隊輔雖然很累，但同
時也遇到許多友善的新面孔。我想，看著他們投入學習新的事物，像是靜坐、摺衣服、書法、武
術、園藝、童軍訓練、華語等課程，他們真的很積極地參與。個人觀感：這是活潑愉快的四天。
我體會到，照顧小孩並不容易，但也不難。活動充實愉快，希望大多數的孩子回到菩提子兒童禪
修班，也期待明年的夏日學園。

Drew Dickson (11 歲，和睦隊輔)

當隊輔，非常開心。要讓小孩隊伍集中並聽話，很難。但整體來說，幫助他們學習以及和其他隊
輔合作，很愉快。當我協助他們時，我自己學到最多，如：問訊、靜坐、說中文、不浪費食物以
及唱誦。我很高興能在佛門寺發心，並學習許多新的事物，幫助我未來的人生。

Jamar Pagpaguitan (12歲  慈悲隊輔)

擔任2012年佛門寺菩提子夏日學園的隊輔，對我而言是很棒的體驗。這是我第二年參加，現在我
知道，當我還是菩提子時，隊輔的感受是什麼了。我結交了很多新朋友：菩提子、老師、隊輔、
師父們。我們提出需要，並且彼此幫助。在我看來，開大約一小時的車程到佛門寺是值得的。我
希望在那裡的每一個人愉快的渡過這一年，並希望2013再回來當隊輔。

Jessica Ly (傳聲 12 歲，和睦隊輔)

五歲時，我就是佛門寺的一員。現在，我十二歲了。過去三年，在菩提子夏令營還是學員，  學了
很多，也交了很多新朋友。今年，我變成了隊輔。當隊輔，帶領孩子，是一項挑戰。當我必須管
理孩子時，對我來說實在很困難。但我認識他們之後，我發現他們每一位都有不同的性格。在他
們學習了中台四箴行(敬慈和真) 和其他規矩，他們進步快速。儘管他們也有掙扎，他們不斷努力，
從不放棄，也不懈怠，基本上，在學習過程中，他們真的很勤奮。雖然在營隊中，我也曾遇到難
關，但這是精彩的暑假。希望他們在夏日學園中，都很愉快。另外，我特別要感謝住持和所有師
父給我機會擔任隊輔。如果未來還有機會，我要再當隊輔。阿彌陀佛![:zh]

2009年佛門寺菩提子夏日學園
Darlene (Chuan Ling) Cioffi-Pangilla

我在核桃溪市的 Heather Park花園做義工，花了兩個小時拔掉那些不應該存在的植物。回家後不禁想起花園管理員所寫的文章，並且觀照了佛門寺菩提子學園的體驗。

文章大意是：生命在花園裏生滅；今年的種子是明年的花朶。溫暖的夏日適合培育植物，培育出的新株將在秋天或第二年春天移植到花園。花園跟造景設計不同，花園不斷在繁衍，因為它是演化的一部份。

園藝工作無疑地會有成長、變化、挫折、及驚喜相伴。有些植物造成困擾，有些則為生生不息的花園帶來新的景觀。

透過佛門寺的法師和義工，佛陀好比是園丁。孩子就像是被種下了尊重、慈悲、和諧、真誠與感恩種子的盆栽。

誰知道這些新下種的盆栽在秋天或新春時會移植到何處?很多盆栽不在它原生的地方結出種子。然而，它們不會因為長在不對的或不該長的地方而被拔掉。只要中台的箴理能夠茁壯繁茂，世界就沒有不對或不受歡迎的地方。

傳文 (11 歲) 真誠隊輔  菩提子夏日學園心得

兩週下來，(兩梯)的夏日學園，實在很累，但和這麼多的孩子一起，確是很好的體驗。儘管小孩子吵吵鬧鬧的，他們熱誠、充滿活力地結交新朋友，期待下一個活動。擔任隊輔雖然很累，但同時也遇到許多友善的新面孔。我想，看著他們投入學習新的事物，像是靜坐、摺衣服、書法、武術、園藝、童軍訓練、華語等課程，他們真的很積極地參與。個人觀感：這是活潑愉快的四天。
我體會到，照顧小孩並不容易，但也不難。活動充實愉快，希望大多數的孩子回到菩提子兒童禪修班，也期待明年的夏日學園。

Drew Dickson (11 歲，和睦隊輔)

        當隊輔，非常開心。要讓小孩隊伍集中並聽話，很難。但整體來說，幫助他們學習以及和其他隊輔合作，很愉快。當我協助他們時，我自己學到最多，如：問訊、靜坐、說中文、不浪費食物以及唱誦。我很高興能在佛門寺發心，並學習許多新的事物，幫助我未來的人生。

Jamar Pagpaguitan (12歲  慈悲隊輔)

        擔任2012年佛門寺菩提子夏日學園的隊輔，對我而言是很棒的體驗。這是我第二年參加，現在我知道，當我還是菩提子時，隊輔的感受是什麼了。我結交了很多新朋友：菩提子、老師、隊輔、師父們。我們提出需要，並且彼此幫助。在我看來，開大約一小時的車程到佛門寺是值得的。我希望在那裏的每一個人愉快的渡過這一年，並希望2013再回來當隊輔。

Jessica Ly (傳聲 12 歲，和睦隊輔)

    五歲時，我就是佛門寺的一員。現在，我十二歲了。過去三年，在菩提子夏令營還是學員，學了很多，也交了很多新朋友。今年，我變成了隊輔。當隊輔，帶領孩子，是一項挑戰。當我必須管理孩子時，對我來說實在很困難。但我認識他們之後，我發現他們每一位都有不同的性格。在他
們學習了中台四箴行(敬慈和真) 和其他規矩，他們進步快速。儘管他們也有掙扎，他們不斷努力，從不放棄，也不懈怠，基本上，在學習過程中，他們真的很勤奮。雖然在營隊中，我也曾遇到難關，但這是精彩的暑假。希望他們在夏日學園中，都很愉快。另外，我特別要感謝住持和所有師父給我機會擔任隊輔。如果未來還有機會，我要再當隊輔。阿彌陀佛![:]

[:en]

Reflection
by Peggy Bryant

The other day I was walking around the block near the hospital where I work, when an older man got out of his car right near me. We exchanged “hellos” and I asked how he was. He was a handsome, African American, tall and athletic looking. He noted my hospital ID badge and started telling me about his recent heart bypass surgery, his kidneys that were beginning to fail (his doctor wanted to discuss dialysis), and his prostate cancer. He said, “You know, I’m just not sure I want to deal with all this.” He told me that he had worked for many years as a longshoreman at the Oakland docks. He was always in good shape, he said, and he had felt good about himself physically. Now, he said, pointing to his outstretched arm, “I don’t have much muscle left.” He was proud that he had just celebrated his 73rd birthday. It was tough, he said. All the while, he had a smile on his face and a gleam in his eye, so I knew that he’d continue to fight. He was grateful for what he had.
This made me reflect on my Buddhist practice and how we struggle with our conventional views of ourselves versus what we know to be true about existence; that is, everything is impermanent. How can we learn to accept impermanence? Buddhism teaches that meditation is key in developing self knowledge and, therefore, clear seeing. During sitting meditation, we face ourselves alone. It’s very difficult to allow things just to be as they are when we sit. There’s no fooling ourselves that things come and go – thoughts, pains, noises, feelings change. Impermanence. That means accepting our bodies that hurt, our minds that run around, our always having to work to remain focused and alert. To just sit, facing ourselves as we are.
I wish I could tell that man I met on the street how meditation is helping me to face myself and accept things as they are, always changing. That is half the battle.

The Life of Subtraction
by Chuan Ren

Just as one teaches students how to subtract in mathematics (one of the most difficult concepts to teach to children for some reason), first with physical manipulates (fingers, blocks, candies, etc.) and then gradually moving to the abstract practice of subtraction through symbolic numerals mentally and on paper, so I am attempting to subtract my attachments and false ego.
I need to begin with one step at a time. First, by diminishing the most obvious in the physical state: television. There could be nothing more deceptive, false, or ignorant than watching television. By recently removing the act of foolishly watching television, I was able to naturally extricate the urge to be a certain way and buy more of what is not at all necessary.
Now is the more challenging part: How do I remove all of my other, less obvious and more abstract attachments that have been embedded within me during my thirty years of living? I have been constantly surrounded, fed, and bombarded with delusions. I have willingly accepted so many of them. Learning the teachings of Buddha at Buddha Gate Monastery, meditation, and my husband’s unceasing and compassionate assistance with reminding me to develop more awareness, have all assisted me in becoming more conscious of where my attachments lie and what is real. I want and “need” that new and fashionable cell phone. I desire the good-tasting food from that fancy restaurant. I really crave that feel-good compliment from my boss in order to feed my false ego. If only I could really, truly understand that these desires are just bringing me suffering.
Subtracting these material goods and attachments from this life, in fact, add to my life. My true Buddha nature can be revealed through subtraction.

The Life of Subtraction
by Chuan Xiu

Due to Buddha’s infinite compassion,I encountered Buddha Gate during a confusing period. Every time I ask myself “Who is walking?”, “Who is meditating?” or “Who is eating?”, I notice that new “I”s surge, but I can neverdiscoverwho they are. I used to believe I knew myself, but now I don’t know who I am. Who is this who demands and expects so much of everyone? Who is this who is never satisfied? Who is this who seekssocial identification andfulfillment of senseless habits while swinging betweenself-limitation and self-exaltation?
If I don’t know who I am,I have no legitimate reason to struggle so hard in order to satisfymy endless threads of desires.This has helped me to make small, daily life decisions that once sounded daunting:vegetarianism, less comparison, emotional sublimation and the attempt to empty the mind of pre-concepts. Thepractice is lighterwhen I remember that I am not myself and that the Buddha’s Mind is infinite.

Weeding & Planting
by Darlene Cioffi-Pangilla (Chuan Ling)

I am a volunteer at the Gardens at Heather Farm in Walnut Creek. The time I spend gives me the opportunity to reflect on what is taught in Buddha Gate’s Meditation and Buddhism classes.
As we begin the new year, the weeds accumulated over the winter need to be pulled up, making space for new flowers to be planted and the dormant ones to emerge and grow.The weeding and planting is ongoing:  each day, each week, all year.  Should this not be like our daily life, not only while at Buddha Gate?  We weed out what needs to be eliminated, and we plant new attitudes, thoughts, speech, and actions that WILL enhance our personal environment and that of the greater world.
While pruning shrubs, trees or whatever, at the Gardens, we first remove the coarse stuff so that the finer growth can be seen.  We then step back and look at the finer growth from different angles to see what needs to be weeded or pruned so that the plants intrinsic beauty has a chance to be revealed.

Is this not like our meditation practice?  We sit to allow the coarse stuff to surface.  The more we sit, the more falls away, the fine with the coarse, deeper and deeper, subtle and even more subtle until our True Nature, the subtlest of all things, Is. I must continuously weed and plant, weed and plant. Buddha Gate Monastery and the teachings available there help me to better recognize what I need to weed and what I need to plant.  For this I am most grateful.
減法的人生
就好像教學生數學減法（某方面來說，是最難教的概念之一。）首先從具體模擬（用手指、方塊、糖果等。）然後慢慢地轉移到，透過數字在紙上及智力上抽象的減法練習，如同我嘗試地削減我的執著。
我需要一步一步來。首先，得先減少最具體，最明顯的：看電視。大概沒什麼事比看電視來得更虛妄不實或無明不覺。自從近來，遠離了呆滯地看電視的行為，我已經可以很自然地，從那股購買些不必要物品的衝動中解脫。
進一步，更挑戰的部份是：我如何去除其他較不明顯，更隱微地已深藏在我三十年的生活當中的執著？我已經被無明妄想不斷地環繞、餵食、轟炸已久。我也已習慣接受他們。在佛門寺學佛禪修，以及我同修不斷慈悲地幫助我、提醒我，讓我提起覺性，意識到什麼是執著虛妄，什麼是真實的。我想要或“需要”那新型流行的手機，我想到精緻的餐廳享用美食，我真渴望老闆讚歎我，好讓我長養那我執。我其實真正需要了解的，是那些欲望帶給我痛苦。
從生活中，減少這些物欲執著才是豐富我的生命。透過這些減損，我的佛性由此開展。
佛門寺研經班傳仁(Lauryn Marinho)

減法的人生
因為佛陀無盡的慈悲，在我困惑時，得遇佛門寺。每一次我問自己，“誰在走路?” “誰在打坐?” 或　“誰在吃飯?” 我發覺一個新的“我”湧現，但我仍不明白那是什麼。過去，我認為我知道自己，但現在，我不知道自己是誰。這個向外要求、期待這麼多的，是誰? 這個永不滿足的，是誰? 這個在自我設限和自我得意之間，搖擺追尋著社會地位及無意義的成就感，是誰?
如果我不知道我是誰，我沒有正當的理由為了滿足這無止盡的欲求奮力掙扎。這幫助我從每天生活中小小的決定做起，雖然它一度聽來令人怯步：素食、少比較、昇華情緒及去除心中成見。但當我記得我不再是自己，而是本具無量的佛性時，修行簡單些了!
佛門寺研經班傳修　(Vinicius Marinho)[:zh]

覺照
Peggy Bryant

    前幾天在我工作的醫院附近漫步，一位男子剛好從他的座車下來。彼此打了招呼後，我問他可好。他是個英俊高眺、有著運動員身材的非裔人士。他注意到我掛著醫院的識別證，於是開始訴說他最近的心臟繞道手術、他的腎臟開始衰竭(醫生想與他討論洗腎的問題) 、他還有攝護腺癌。他說：「你知道嗎?我不確定是不是應該處理這些問題。」他告訴我他在奧克蘭碼頭做了許多年的碼頭工人，以往他總是維持良好的狀態，對自己的身體很滿意。他露出伸直的手臂說：「現在，我已經沒有什麼肌肉了。」他很自豪剛剛過了73歲生日，對他而言這並不容易。言談間他始終帶著微笑，眼神露出光芒。我知道他仍在為生命而戰。他很感激自己所擁有的一切。

於是我反思了自己的佛法修行，以及我們如何在世俗眼光中的我與法界實相中的我之間掙扎。也就是說，諸行無常。我們如何學習接受無常?佛法教導我們，禪修是自覺、認清自我的關鍵。透過禪坐，獨自面對自我。禪坐時很難不理會現起的境界。不要騙自己，各種境界來來去去的，妄想、疼痛、雜音、思緒不斷變換。這就是無常。也就是說，接受身體的疼痛、亂跑的思緒、必須時時努力保持專注與警覺。單純靜坐，面對真實的自己。

真希望我能告訴在街角遇到的男子，禪坐如何幫助我面對自己、讓我接受現實的無常。這樣就成功了一半。

減法的人生

佛門寺研經班傳仁(Lauryn Marinho)

        就好像教學生數學減法（某方面來說，是最難教的概念之一。）首先從具體模擬（用手指、方塊、糖果等。）然後慢慢地轉移到，透過數字在紙上及智力上抽象的減法練習，如同我嘗試地削減我的執著。
我需要一步一步來。首先，得先減少最具體，最明顯的：看電視。大概沒什麼事比看電視來得更虛妄不實或無明不覺。自從近來，遠離了呆滯地看電視的行為，我已經可以很自然地，從那股購買些不必要物品的衝動中解脫。
進一步，更挑戰的部份是：我如何去除其他較不明顯，更隱微地已深藏在我三十年的生活當中的執著？我已經被無明妄想不斷地環繞、餵食、轟炸已久。我也已習慣接受他們。在佛門寺學佛禪修，以及我同修不斷慈悲地幫助我、提醒我，讓我提起覺性，意識到什麼是執著虛妄，什麼是真實的。我想要或“需要”那新型流行的手機，我想到精緻的餐廳享用美食，我真渴望老闆讚歎我，好讓我長養那我執。我其實真正需要了解的，是那些欲望帶給我痛苦。
從生活中，減少這些物欲執著才是豐富我的生命。透過這些減損，我的佛性由此開展。

減法的人生

佛門寺研經班傳修　(Vinicius Marinho)

因為佛陀無盡的慈悲，在我困惑時，得遇佛門寺。每一次我問自己，“誰在走路?” “誰在打坐?” 或　“誰在吃飯?” 我發覺一個新的“我”湧現，但我仍不明白那是什麼。過去，我認為我知道自己，但現在，我不知道自己是誰。這個向外要求、期待這麼多的，是誰? 這個永不滿足的，是誰? 這個在自我設限和自我得意之間，搖擺追尋著社會地位及無意義的成就感，是誰?
如果我不知道我是誰，我沒有正當的理由為了滿足這無止盡的欲求奮力掙扎。這幫助我從每天生活中小小的決定做起，雖然它一度聽來令人怯步：素食、少比較、昇華情緒及去除心中成見。但當我記得我不再是自己，而是本具無量的佛性時，修行簡單了些!

去蕪存菁
Darlene Cioffi-Pangilla (Chuan Ling)

我在Walnut Creek的 Heather Farm花園做義工。花園的時光讓我有機會觀照在佛門寺禪修班所學的一切。

新年伊始，我們會把在冬季繁衍的雜草拔除，勻出空間栽培新的花卋，也讓休眠的植物能重新露出成長。除草和植栽的工作每天、每周、每年不曾間斷。這不應該是每天要做事, 而不是只發生在佛門寺嗎?我們把該消除的拔掉，然後栽下可以提升個人境界並讓世界更為美好的新態度、思維、言語、和行為。

我們在花園修剪矮叢、樹木時，首先除去粗大的枝幹，露出較細的枝枒。然後退後幾步從不同角度觀察，看看需要拔除或修剪哪些部份，才能讓植物本身的美感有機會顯露出來。

這不就像是禪修嗎？我們靜坐時讓粗重的雜念浮現。坐得愈久，雜念愈少。心思由粗轉細、深入再深入、微細再微細，直到覓得最微妙的自性。我必須不斷地去蕪存菁、去蕪存菁。佛門寺師父提供的開示幫助我更清楚應該要去除什麼、培植什麼。為此我至誠感激。[:]

[:en]

Seven Day Chan Meditation Retreat
by Chuan Dun

Gratitude is the first thing that comes to mind when I think about the 7 Day Chan Meditation Retreat. I am truly grateful to the Abbott and all of the Shifus and Volunteers at Chung Tai who made the 7 days possible. I am also thankful and fortunate to have the support and teachings from the Abbess and the Shifus at Buddha Gate Monastery who encouraged me to participate in the 7 Day Chan.

The dharma talks were the most memorable part of the retreat for me. There seemed to be so many topics but there really was only one, the awakened mind. Through different stories the Abbott spoke about this topic.

The Abbott reminded us that breath counting was a tool to be used to settle down and calm our mind. I used this tool countless times. Chanting the Buddha’s name was another tool the Abbott spoke about, I choose to chant Guan Yin’s name and this helped me to stay focused and calm at times when I was not sitting in meditation. The Abbott spoke of these methods as tools and not to be taken for the awakened mind. He said that it is important to not get stuck here. I chose to interpret this as a reminder not to get lazy with meditation, something that is very easy for me to do.

With a calm mind the story the Abbott told about one of Buddha’s disciples using the analogy of a hotel front desk manager and guests coming and going to describe his awakening and understanding of who is the host and who is the guest resonated for me. The host is there (the pure mind); the guests (the thoughts) are coming and going filtering everything through the five sense organs and my ego, judging, labeling and rationalizing each thought as if it was real. It is best to just observe them and not attach. I practiced this for days. At first the more I tried to ignore “the thoughts” and not attach the louder they were and so I would have to go back to using breath counting. I realized that once again I was chasing something, leaning outward instead of focusing inward. This is something I find myself doing a lot, but now I see it more often and am able to let it go.  Occasionally during the last days of Chan 7 there was nothing to chase. Whether sitting in meditation or in action there was clarity.  Is this an awakened mind? No, I do not think so but it is a beginning and I will continue my practice with a focus on daily meditation and reading the sutras because Chan 7 has shown me both knowledge and practice are one.

The Abbess at Buddha Gate often says, “There’s a little, there’s a little more.” I understand this in a new way and if conditions are right, I will attend Chan 7 again next year.

Awakening in Meditation
by Anne Khoury

My face smiles as I remember my Chan 7 Retreat. My mind hears the sound of chanting, drums and the awakening bell, smells the incense, and sees the fog settled in the mountains at day break. My heart remains touched by the kindness and generosity of all who shared their wisdom, practice and guidance and made me feel at home in a new experience and land.
Sitting in mediation was a profound awakening, for my mind has seldom been still in the outside world. When sitting in meditation and my mind became calm, much delusion, ignorance and attachment floated by . . . some of which was deep rooted and long repressed. As I sat with a still mind, I felt a peace and lightness I have never before experienced. Attachments and judgment seemed to disentangle from my mind as clarity, calm, and a feeling of connectedness settled in. That feeling of connectedness to the universe and all beings increased as I meditated during Zen breakfast and lunch . . . reflecting on how what I put into my mouth, to became part of my body, came from a multitude of sources and perspectives.
It is now my challenge to hold onto this experience in practice as I “pick up” in the outside world. Interestingly, upon my return to the USA, there was no jet lag and my mind seems to have transformed. It is much calmer, focused, and aware of the essence of what I am here to contribute. There is hope. Perhaps our world leaders and all sentient being need a Chan 7 Retreat. The world would be a much different place.
Thank you for your generosity in sharing the dharma, your practice and for the joy of glimpsing my awakening mind.

Reflections on a Half-day Meditation Retreat
by Mae Hoag

A half-day meditation retreat at Buddha Gate Monastery provides a welcome change from one’s daily life of routines and demands. It is an opportunity to return to one’s true nature through focus and concentration in a quiet, peaceful environment free of interruption and intrusion. How easy it is to lose sight of who we really are in our every day existence. To participate in a retreat is a reassuring reminder which leaves one renewed and refreshed. In stillness comes charity and a realization, “I am home.” I am returning to that place where no “I” exists and the long cultivated persona is not needed or required. I become mindful of what is truly important in my life and renew my commitment to being awake and fully present here and now.

Thoughts during “One Stick-of-Incense” Meditation
by Mae Hoag

To enter the Chan Hall for meditation is to take refuge. There is an immediate sense of tranquility and peace which transports me from the world outside to the world within. I am at home. During the hour of sitting and walking meditation, I experience a familiar and comforting beauty. I forget who I am; my persona is like the shoes I remove and leave at the entrance. Meditation seems a natural process and many of my other activities artificial. I ask myself “Why am I not here every day?” My life would be very different if I sat for one hour daily in the kind of supportive environment the Chan Hall provides. However, my limited experience of “two sticks of incense” during this month encourages me to be more disciplined in my practice at home and wherever I may be. I feel tremendous gratitude that Buddha Gate Monastery exits and offers such opportunities.[:zh] 

禪七心旅
Chuan Dun

回想起禪七的體驗，心中第一個念頭就是感謝。由衷感謝中台禪寺住持和尚、所有法師以及每位義工的護持。我也很感激佛門寺住持法師和大眾法師的鼓勵與教導，讓我有幸能夠打七。

佛法開示是最令我難忘的部份。每次開示主題好似不同，但其實只有一個主題，那就是開悟。住持和尚用不同故事來闡述這個主題。

住持和尚提醒我們，數息是讓心性安定與平靜的工具。這個工具我用了無數次。念佛號是住持和尚提到的另一個方法，我在沒有打坐的時候選擇誦念觀世音菩薩聖號保持專注與平靜。住持和尚說這些方法只是工具，不要以為是開悟。住持和尚說，重點是不要停滯於此。我將這句話解讀為不要懈怠於禪修的提醒，這是我很容易犯的問題。

說到心的安住，住持和尚講了一個我很受用的故事，有一位佛弟子用旅館櫃檯經理和來來往往的旅客來比喻他的心性、誰是主人、誰是客人。主人就在這裏(清淨心)；客人(念頭)是由五根及我執生起的種種分別心，包括批判、分類、合理化所有想法，以妄為真。最好僅是觀察它們而不去執著。我練習了好幾天。起初我愈是想放下、不執著，妄想與執著就愈強烈，所以我回歸於數息。我知道自己又在向外追逐，而非向內專注。我發現自己常常這樣，不過我現在比較能觀照到這一點，而且放得下。打七的最後幾天，偶爾不再有追逐。不論在靜中或動中，都能清楚明白。這就是開悟嗎?我想不是，但這是一個開始，我會持續每日專注於練習打坐並且閱讀經典，因為禪七讓我知道什麼是知行合一。

佛門寺住持法師常說，「有一些些，還有一些些。」我對這句話有了新的認識。如果因緣俱足，明年我還要再次參加禪七。

禪七的契悟

Anne Khoury

想起禪七，臉上泛起了笑意，心中聽到了梵唱、鼓聲、引磬聲，聞到了薰香，看到了山上破曉時分的晨霧。至今我仍十分感念每一位法師，他們慈悲寛厚地分享智慧、指導我們修行，讓我在新的體驗和新的環境中有家的感覺。

靜坐讓我有深刻的領悟，因為我的心在世俗生活中很難安住。心在靜坐時變得平靜，一些深藏和壓抑在心底的妄念、無知、與執著不時地掠過。當我靜坐讓心安住時，體會到前所未有的平和與清淨。當心依止在清明、寧靜及融合的感覺時，執著與分別似乎就超脫了。在早午齋之間的靜坐時，我和宇宙及一切眾生連結的感受增強了……我從不同源起和面向，觀照我所進用的食物，如何成為身體的一部份。

現在的難題是，重拾世俗生活後要怎麼保任這些體驗。耐人尋味地，返美後我沒有任何時差，心境似乎有所轉變，變得更沈靜、專注、明白我應該要奉獻什麼。我懷著希望。或許世界的領導人與一切有情眾生都應該需要打禪七，這樣世界將會變得很不一樣。

感謝法師慈悲，授予法寶、身教、讓我一瞥契悟的法喜.

半日禪心得

Mae Hoag

乏味而沈重的日子，因佛門寺的半日禪有了令人愉悅的轉變。專心安住於寧靜、平和、不受妨礙與干擾的境界，讓我有機會返觀自性。我們很容易在日常生活中忘記什麼才是真實的自我。禪坐是一個警示，讓我們還復清明。寂靜彰顯慈悲與悟性。「我回家了」，回到一個無「我」的地方，沒有執守習性的必要。我更能領會什麼才是人生中真正重要的事，重建我要悟道、活在當下的決心。

一支香的省思

Mae Hoag

進入禪堂靜坐就是得到加被。我會立即感受到寧靜與祥和，讓我從外緣轉向內心。這是我的家。打坐和行香時，我感受到熟悉且舒適的妙境。我忘了我是誰：自我就像是被我脫掉放在門口的鞋。禪修像是自然而然的事，而其他活動大部份是造作的。我問自己「為什麼不每天來這兒?」如果每天在禪堂這麼有助益的環境中禪坐一小時，我的生活將會很不一樣。不過，這個月我參加「二枝香」僅有的經驗，激勵了我不管在家或在任何地方都要更精進修行。萬分感激佛門寺提供了學習的機會。[:]